Close Encounters of an Awkward Kind

Here I was, sitting in my apartment minding my own business when the doorbell goes. Now I don’t have many visitors here on a regular basis so this is always a shock.

So I check my camera and it’s a man with a clipboard. My better judgement says “Emmet he’s trying to get you to love Jesus don’t open the door” but I open the door anyways.

So he stands before me and babbles a little in Korean before faltering to a stop realising I’m not following even one little bit. So I think he wants me to fill out the questionnaire on his clipboard, it being written in Korean I’m utterly lost so I ask if I may have his number for my friend to ring him to see what all this is about.

Being the good-natured guy he is he enters his number into my cellphone, and then I notice he’s frantically translating using Naver. Oh Christ.

“Maintenance check?” This makes sense seeing as there’s been a serious amount of rainfall over the last two weeks. I’m also pretty sure I got a notice about it last week…

Mortified that I’ve asked this random man for his phone number when it turn out all he’s here to do is snoop around and make sure there’s no water leaking.

He wanders around for a few minutes and then I realise that he’s going to check my boiler room which is currently filled with almost every pair of underpants I own. Being unable to do anything about that now, I just sat and let the waves of embarrassment wash over me as he batted away boxers and briefs to examine the room for defects.

Finally he bows, and leaves my flat filled not with water, but pure embarrassment.


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